I.D.I.O.T

Idealistic Dreamer Instantly Optimistic & Trustworthy

I've been an idiot. How could i let myself go through all that again? Because it was good at the time? Because for a few glorious moments, nothing else mattered in the world but "us"? When am i ever gonna learn... that something so good, exceptionally great even, can only be shortlived. I live in a dream world, that's why.

From the get go, there were red flags raising up in every direction. We decided, the hell with the world. We know it's real, we know it's great, we're gonna do this and work at it. Keep it on the low low, right? Politics? Why does it matter if people are all up in our business? We live in the Philippines... you just can't avoid that. Why is it so important to worry about what other people think? It's our lives, it's our relationship... nobody else matters.

Easier said than done, right?

Wrong timing. That's what it was. At this point in both our lives, a possibility for us to have something we both want really bad is just not an option. Too much to handle. Too many other things to deal with. It's all about priorities. Adding another something that's important, something you have to work on--- it's just not gonna happen. It just complicates life even more. Why complicate things when it doesn't have to be that way. It's pointless.

I understand.

It only hurts and i'm put in a situation that really sucks because i found something that's so great... but i can't have it given the circumstances. Everything we have going against us won. In my eyes, it just wasn't priority enough to work on. In my heart, I wasn't good enough to work on. I should've seen it from the beginning. Seriously, now... what was i freakin' thinking?

How can you let go of something so great? Something that fits so well. You find something so wonderful that you may never find again... and just like that, you let it go. Not because you want to... but because it's what you have to do.

"Nothing is perfect... but this is nice." Sure, nothing is perfect... yeah, but it was pretty damn close. Or was that just me? How can something so good, just not work, and in other peoples' eyes actually be something bad? I don't understand it.

Things happens for a reason. A huge thing happened for all this to have started... perhaps there's a hidden agenda, an even better reason for why it can't happen.

As great as everything was... i'm beginning to regret it. Ignorance is bLiss. If i never knew what it would have been like to be with someone like that and experience life in a perspective where the "what if's" came in the picture... and i saw what life would have been like if it had worked out... maybe it would hurt less... or even better, none at all.

It wasn't all bad. I'm just not feeling so hot right now. It was great while it lasted. I guess something is better than nothing...

It's just so much harder to look at the good things right now when you're hurting so bad. I had to leave Never Neverland behind. I knew there was a time limit. I knew there was a HUGE possibility it wasn't gonna last forever. So when i thought about it... might as well make do with what you have. Make the most out of it. But how do you do that without getting your feelings and emotions involved? It's complicated, i know.

I'm an idiot. But just so you know... I understand. I really do.