the dawn of a new horizon
For the past 3 and a half years i have been content with the people i surrounded myself with. Lost with the illusion that we were everything we all needed, we all became really close, and thought that this was it. The crew for life. As the years passed, people would come and go. The Crew would go through different phases but the core would more or less remain the same. It's all different now though. I think it's over. People change.
In 2 months, my gurls will be moving back home, away from the Philippines. I don't remember the last time i was struck with this much sadness... almost as if i was mourning for a life. Even though a promise to keep in touch and the intension of staying tight is there, the relationship just isn't the same when you don't see them on a regular basis. That's just the way it is.
I don't care what anyone says, gurls need girl friends. We just do. Guys are cool and all... but they're not gonna understand exactly what you're going through when you tell them "it's that time of the month" and "i'm just PMSing". Guys won't know what to say when you need to talk about the kind of makeup you wanna buy. Guys won't tolerate the topic of how "men suck" and how "they just don't understand" and "guys just never get it". Sure, a rare few of the male gender can do all that... a very rare few... but they just don't compare to your gurls.
Having my gurls sure as hell helped me when i found out i was having a baby... =)
(but that's a whole other story...)
I've spent the majority of my life having guys as my best friends. I could just relate to them better. I was never the girly kind of girl... I never really had all the gurly things to talk about til later on anyway. I started wearing makeup when i was 18 (seriously!). Before that, all i ever needed in my pocket was money and my chapstick. I didn't even carry a bag.
I went through a whole year once without any friends. I'm not even kidding. All my friends were out of the country and all the people i knew were just close aquaintances. This was that time when i went out every single freakin' night (mostly coz i was working at a club) and the only person i could really kick it with was my boss. hahah! so sad. I would chill with all these different people at night, but come day time... there wasn't really anyone there for me to hang out with.
One day (around 4 years ago) i met this group of people. They were all dancers. We all clicked in an instant. We stuck together ever since and even expanded through the years. That's when my gurls and i all got together. There was the 4 of us. We all used to be the non-girly types. We all related to dudes better which is why we all had more guy friends than gurl friends. We had a whole bunce in common but we were all very different. We were a quite a quad. Eventually 4 turned into 3, 3 into 2... and come July... i will be the last one left over here... doomed to start all over again.
So yeah, the Crew. We were a proud bunch. Walked everywhere with our heads held high. We all knew that if anything ever went down, we always had each others' backs. Mess with one of us, it's ON. We were under the impression that we were everything we all needed. BEing together was like feeling at home. We never kicked it with other people unless someone would bring a friend around to chill with us. It was never really talked about, but somehow it was almost like an unspoken rule. Nobody ever complained... we were happy with the way things worked. We were the Crew. I just don't think any of us ever anticipated what the future had in store for us...
I want to say that til this day everyone is happy and things work out like rainbows and dandelions. I want to say that we're tighter than ever and that the friendships made here are those made to cherish for a lifetime and beyond. I want to say that we are everything we ever needed & that being together feels like home. However, i can't... because i'm just not so sure anymore.
All these years, i've ignored my relationships with other people. I've denied myself the pleasure of getting to know everyone else around me. Burned by the past, i chose to stick around with the easiest option that was set before me. I never really thought of how long all this was gonna last... for a moment there, i forgot that life goes on for quite a while (i'd like to think so, anyway). People do change and sometimes they happen to move out of the country too. DuH!!! I've been quite naive...
So my gurl is leaving. . . i have no gurls. I feel kinda lost just thinking about it.
The Crew will always be "the crew". It's just different now. They're used to the way things are. Their lifestyle is how they like things to be. Whether it be my cup of tea or not, they are my friends. Drama is inevitable and things happen to get a bit rough sometimes... but that's just the way it is wherever you are. I'm just not sure if i'm ready for what's coming up next. What ever happened to the days when we went all out just for fun? Things were just so much easier then...
I'm expanding my horizons by changing my game a bit. I say the hell with routine and be a little bit more spontaneous for a change. Changes need to be made within myself and around me... i need it. I have to start busting out my extroverted conversational skills again and find out what everybody out there is up to nowadays. I don't wanna limit myself again. I don't wanna miss out on whatever good may be out there.
I may just wipe my slate clean and start all over again...
In 2 months, my gurls will be moving back home, away from the Philippines. I don't remember the last time i was struck with this much sadness... almost as if i was mourning for a life. Even though a promise to keep in touch and the intension of staying tight is there, the relationship just isn't the same when you don't see them on a regular basis. That's just the way it is.
I don't care what anyone says, gurls need girl friends. We just do. Guys are cool and all... but they're not gonna understand exactly what you're going through when you tell them "it's that time of the month" and "i'm just PMSing". Guys won't know what to say when you need to talk about the kind of makeup you wanna buy. Guys won't tolerate the topic of how "men suck" and how "they just don't understand" and "guys just never get it". Sure, a rare few of the male gender can do all that... a very rare few... but they just don't compare to your gurls.
Having my gurls sure as hell helped me when i found out i was having a baby... =)
(but that's a whole other story...)
I've spent the majority of my life having guys as my best friends. I could just relate to them better. I was never the girly kind of girl... I never really had all the gurly things to talk about til later on anyway. I started wearing makeup when i was 18 (seriously!). Before that, all i ever needed in my pocket was money and my chapstick. I didn't even carry a bag.
I went through a whole year once without any friends. I'm not even kidding. All my friends were out of the country and all the people i knew were just close aquaintances. This was that time when i went out every single freakin' night (mostly coz i was working at a club) and the only person i could really kick it with was my boss. hahah! so sad. I would chill with all these different people at night, but come day time... there wasn't really anyone there for me to hang out with.
One day (around 4 years ago) i met this group of people. They were all dancers. We all clicked in an instant. We stuck together ever since and even expanded through the years. That's when my gurls and i all got together. There was the 4 of us. We all used to be the non-girly types. We all related to dudes better which is why we all had more guy friends than gurl friends. We had a whole bunce in common but we were all very different. We were a quite a quad. Eventually 4 turned into 3, 3 into 2... and come July... i will be the last one left over here... doomed to start all over again.
So yeah, the Crew. We were a proud bunch. Walked everywhere with our heads held high. We all knew that if anything ever went down, we always had each others' backs. Mess with one of us, it's ON. We were under the impression that we were everything we all needed. BEing together was like feeling at home. We never kicked it with other people unless someone would bring a friend around to chill with us. It was never really talked about, but somehow it was almost like an unspoken rule. Nobody ever complained... we were happy with the way things worked. We were the Crew. I just don't think any of us ever anticipated what the future had in store for us...
I want to say that til this day everyone is happy and things work out like rainbows and dandelions. I want to say that we're tighter than ever and that the friendships made here are those made to cherish for a lifetime and beyond. I want to say that we are everything we ever needed & that being together feels like home. However, i can't... because i'm just not so sure anymore.
All these years, i've ignored my relationships with other people. I've denied myself the pleasure of getting to know everyone else around me. Burned by the past, i chose to stick around with the easiest option that was set before me. I never really thought of how long all this was gonna last... for a moment there, i forgot that life goes on for quite a while (i'd like to think so, anyway). People do change and sometimes they happen to move out of the country too. DuH!!! I've been quite naive...
So my gurl is leaving. . . i have no gurls. I feel kinda lost just thinking about it.
The Crew will always be "the crew". It's just different now. They're used to the way things are. Their lifestyle is how they like things to be. Whether it be my cup of tea or not, they are my friends. Drama is inevitable and things happen to get a bit rough sometimes... but that's just the way it is wherever you are. I'm just not sure if i'm ready for what's coming up next. What ever happened to the days when we went all out just for fun? Things were just so much easier then...
I'm expanding my horizons by changing my game a bit. I say the hell with routine and be a little bit more spontaneous for a change. Changes need to be made within myself and around me... i need it. I have to start busting out my extroverted conversational skills again and find out what everybody out there is up to nowadays. I don't wanna limit myself again. I don't wanna miss out on whatever good may be out there.
I may just wipe my slate clean and start all over again...
Davao * September 2003 * OUr last gig together. I hella miss my gurls.
Enchanted Kingdom * December 2002 * The original Crew * We call this "the OnE LuV days". Back when everything was all about having fun. Life was easy and everything was smooth sailing...
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