now & then
in about a week and a half it will be exactly a year since the day Dylan came into my life. It will be almost 2 years since my life completely changed. So how different is everything in my life now compared to how it all used to be?
I've been doing a lot of thinking, rearranging, changing, and discovering. Life's been a bit weird the past 2-3 months. It seems to throw in the craziest things when you least expect it... which is ironic coz we should all know that by now but we never seem to do so.
I'm completely past the mourning stage. I'm over the life i left behind, the people who are no longer around, everything i used to do and the person i used to be. For a little while though, i tried to salvage what was left of the "old me" perhaps because i thought it was comfortable to remain as a person whom i already know so very well. Change is one of my biggest enemies. It scares me. It has traumatized me a few too many times. Time and time again, i have had to face it and get over it and deal with it. It's a viscious cycle, really.
Being a mother completely changes a person. I mean, completely (if they take it seriously, anyway). How can it not?! The transformation, the responsibility, the sacrifices that have to be made, and that tiny new person involved... there's no way nothing changes and one remains to be the exact same person she was before the whole baby ordeal.
It took some time... but i know now. There's no way to going back to the life i left behind. It's not like i want to... but there are some things about being young and spontaneous that i will definitely miss. I'm only 21... i grew up too fast. I feel like i'm past my crazy stage... and everyone says that was all meant for your 20's. Well... the beginning of my 20's was a different chapter in my life, alright... just not the one i thought it would be.
I believe in a parallel universe. Somewhere out there, there's another me living a life quite different from the one i know now. (kind of like the Jet Lee movie The ONe). There are almost dozens and hundreds of different stories of how my life "could have been". And it's going on right now... somewhere. I'm not crazy. Just phylosophical. =)
The difference of lifestlye from now and then never ceases to amaze me. the drastic changes i have experienced & my state of mind...
i just ran into a few people recently... they've known me since i was 10 years old, but i haven't seen them since i was 15. After asking me how i've been and listening to the 411... they were shocked, surprised, speechless, and awestruck. Not as if what's happened is a bad thing... more of--- highly unlikely (based on how i was back then).
***sorry... this entry was a mess. I think only i can understand it. It's been hard trying to gather my thoughts together lately... maybe i'll clean it up one of these days. This has been blabbering and gibberish... just so i could put it somewhere and get ish off my mind.
over and out.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, rearranging, changing, and discovering. Life's been a bit weird the past 2-3 months. It seems to throw in the craziest things when you least expect it... which is ironic coz we should all know that by now but we never seem to do so.
I'm completely past the mourning stage. I'm over the life i left behind, the people who are no longer around, everything i used to do and the person i used to be. For a little while though, i tried to salvage what was left of the "old me" perhaps because i thought it was comfortable to remain as a person whom i already know so very well. Change is one of my biggest enemies. It scares me. It has traumatized me a few too many times. Time and time again, i have had to face it and get over it and deal with it. It's a viscious cycle, really.
Being a mother completely changes a person. I mean, completely (if they take it seriously, anyway). How can it not?! The transformation, the responsibility, the sacrifices that have to be made, and that tiny new person involved... there's no way nothing changes and one remains to be the exact same person she was before the whole baby ordeal.
It took some time... but i know now. There's no way to going back to the life i left behind. It's not like i want to... but there are some things about being young and spontaneous that i will definitely miss. I'm only 21... i grew up too fast. I feel like i'm past my crazy stage... and everyone says that was all meant for your 20's. Well... the beginning of my 20's was a different chapter in my life, alright... just not the one i thought it would be.
I believe in a parallel universe. Somewhere out there, there's another me living a life quite different from the one i know now. (kind of like the Jet Lee movie The ONe). There are almost dozens and hundreds of different stories of how my life "could have been". And it's going on right now... somewhere. I'm not crazy. Just phylosophical. =)
The difference of lifestlye from now and then never ceases to amaze me. the drastic changes i have experienced & my state of mind...
i just ran into a few people recently... they've known me since i was 10 years old, but i haven't seen them since i was 15. After asking me how i've been and listening to the 411... they were shocked, surprised, speechless, and awestruck. Not as if what's happened is a bad thing... more of--- highly unlikely (based on how i was back then).
***sorry... this entry was a mess. I think only i can understand it. It's been hard trying to gather my thoughts together lately... maybe i'll clean it up one of these days. This has been blabbering and gibberish... just so i could put it somewhere and get ish off my mind.
over and out.
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