rusty knees

I used to dance. It was the love of my life. It was my passion. Anything and everything about it made me happy. Dancing brought me to my "happy place". It made life easier for me... dancing was my exit, from a world i no longer wanted to be in. I met some of my closest friends through dancing. yea... i used to dance.

I've been going out quite a bit for the past few weeks. I make it a point to take a break every now and then. It's always good to sit back and relax a little bit. I've been to about 4 events and a few more nights out. It's just not the same. Not just the people, or the music, it's the feeling of being out that i don't get. The atmosphere is a given, it will never again be like how it used to be. But i thought at the least, that feeling would still be there.

I was one of those people who danced anytime, anywhere. I'd be walking in the mall, and if i passed a store playing music really loud, i'd start to dance. No joke. Ask my sister. While some people sing in the shower, i used to dance in the shower. I used to dance while i'd be getting dressed. I used to dance on the way to the car. I used to dance (well bounce and my head would dance) while chewing my food. I'm not even playing, it was soooo bad, i used to dance in my head to get myself to sleep. Borderline psycho, right?

When i was pregnant (oh no, here we go again), i gained 60 pounds. When i hit the 25-30 pound weight gain mark, it made it almost impossible to dance anytime, anywhere. I mean it was almost impossible to stand for me, what more stand and move at the same time. Try carrying 30-60 pounds worth of weights and let me know how you feel (a bit disgusting, right?) haha! I would try to bounce every now and then... but it just wasn't the same. That was that... i just flat out stopped dancing.

It's not the same dancing by yourself in a room too. It feels different when you're out there, with tons of people, other dancers going buckwild, and music blasting out loud. The energy, the intensity, and the vibe is just something else.

I went to an event a few weeks ago at the THX place on Mile Long... and it was the first event i had been to since i stopped going out. The last time i really danced was Nov. 22, 2003. So after a year of doing almost next to nothing (aside from the fact that i grew a baby inside of me and gave birth soon after), i was a bit rusty. I knew i wanted to dance, i felt like i wanted to dance, i could even swear i almost thought i was dancing... but really, i couldn't. I couldn't dance. My legs just wouldn't do it. I had rusty knees.

Everytime i feel like dancing, my legs wont allow it.

Everyone says it's like riding a bike... you never really forget how. But for me, it's different. It's just hard to get back into the groove.

One day, it'll come back. I know it. It'll start up again... i'll give it a little bit more time.
I really really really miss it though. It's just so not me to stand still and do nothing.