it's all about peRspEctiVe

i was once told that God would not throw anything my way if He knew i wouldn't be able to handle it... and a lot of the time, i believe it's true.

It has been a full month since the incident happened. The "shooter" has been caught. Maryann and i are healing fine. No complications at all whatsoever. I had surgery yesterday to have the bullet taken out. Everything went smoothly... and i get to keep my leg. so *yAy* They even let me keep the bullet (eeew and cool at the same time, huh?). But i'm back to square one. Just when i felt like i could start doing things again because my first wound was healing... i had to get this operation done. So now i have an exit wound. It's painful as hell... and it's like getting shot all over again. *sigh* Two and a half more months to go...

Monday was a tough day for me. My friends had texted me that they were gonna show the guy on tv... and for a second, i was a bit hesitant. Did i really wanna see? Did i really wanna know? But being me, of course, i had to look. I saw him. It was a slap in the face because i have never seen this guy my whole entire life... nothing about him seemed the least bit familliar. Call me an idiot... but i'm not satisfied. There's something about how it all played out that just doesn't fit, it just does not go, it so doesn't flow. I'm not gonna mention anything more... perhaps for my own good. But let's just say, that the way this situation is playing out just doesn't sit well in my stomach. Not at all.

I'm letting all my anger go. A whole month struggling with fury and rage within and at the same time keeping a calm and composed exterior is not an easy task. As a matter of fact, it may drive you up the walls. It has me. I have let this situation destroy me enough... and this is as far as i'm willing to let it take me. I don't want it anymore. Gotta change my perspective on everything. It's the only way out of this mental shit hole. I have to conjure up enough strength to pick myself up and move on. It's just what i have to do.

I got shot, he got away. Well, my bad. Wrong place at the wrong time. Another one of life's huge lessons. But i can't concentrate on him anymore. I'm not thinking about getting the mu'fucker back. The anger and the hate i had for the past few weeks were destroying me. All because of him and the situation i was put in. You know what? Fuck it. Maybe "he'll" have issues within himself in his life that'll mentally destroy him. Maybe Karma will catch up with him one of these days and bite him back in the ass (or shoot him in the leg in some other context, if you feel me). But that's that. I'm letting it go. I live to see another day. I got shot, and hey, it's mad hard... and it's a really messed up situation to be in... but eventually, things will go back to normal. One day, i will walk again. I got to keep my leg and everything is all good.

Maryann is in a fucked up situation too... it's bad enough that we have other issues to deal with in our lives and all this shit was added on.

But life will go back to normal... maybe not soon, definitely not now. But it will. And that's a big thing. That night could've played out in an even worse way... so we're counting our blessings. The doctor, again, mentioned how lucky i was yesterday. If that bullet had not hit my bag and my phone and everything i had in it... it would have shattered my hip, i would have gone through excruciating surgery... but never walk again. And the bullet did hit it. It was just already slowed down because of the impact with all my things that it just barely nicked it, bounced off, and settled in my leg. Crazy, right? Thank God for my bag and everything i had in there. I wasn't even gonna bring a bag out that night. I never do. There was just something different about that night... i needed my bag. And i'm crazy lucky for the stance i was in when the shooter pulled the trigger while aiming at me. The alignment was perfect where it had to go through everything i had first before hitting me. Dumb luck... good luck and bad luck at the same time, i guess.

It takes a while for the good things in a bad situation to come out... but they're there. There's always a silver lining in every cloud... always.

"In dark times, the eyes begin to see..."
The past month has been an eye opener in so many ways. We've learned so much based on the situation we were put in. I could write a novel with nothing in it but the lessons we've learned... and it's a great thing. It was something we had to go through to learn something so important. You could say it was a sacrifice for a higher purpose. I thought pregnancy was therapeutic and it really made you think about the important things in life... but dude, man... this ride was even crazier.

There were so many things that we had to learn and we wouldn't have been able to discover it or achieve the knowledge as fast if none of this had happened. And who knows, if we had waited even longer to learn our lesson.. the blow might've come even harder.

It's funny how something so tragic, so devastating and frustrating can help you discover something so great. People need dark times in their lives. It's all a matter on how you choose to take it. Because if one deals with it the right way, there's nothing you can get out of it but positivity, and internal strength. The minute you pick yourself up and realize that the world isn't as horrible as you think it is... you're a stronger and better person for it.

The world is full of everything. Beauty, cruelty, kindness, ugliness, happiness, sadness, etc. etc. etc. Your life is what you make of it. The situation you're left to deal with is what you make of it. Something shitty happens, move on and learn from it. Something great happens, savour it. The simple pleasure life has to offer is everywhere. You just gotta look harder... or look in a different angle... because it's all about perspective.

That's all it really is...