excuse me, pardon me
all my life i've been the tall, skinny girl. I would think i was considered to be average, normal... nothing out of the norm. I would get the occassional stare every now and then... but most of the time, i would think that people just pass me, walk on by, without even thinking twice about me. I liked it like that. Who wouldn't want to be normal?
all my life, i had taken a lot of things for granted.
yeah, i had a label growing up... i've always been the tall, skinny girl. I would say it has a lot to do with genetics (i'd say i'm doing okay)... but i've always been a very active person. I was always running around, playing, riding bikes, skating, etc. When i hit high school, i lived for sports. After school, dancing became my life. Never in my life did i ever think... not once... that there was a possibility that i wouldn't be so athletic, so active... that i wouldn't be so normal.
i got my very first dose of "out-of-the-norm" experience when i was pregnant. I gained 70 pounds... yeah, i was a walking house weighing in at 190 pounds. At 5.8" you wouldn't think that would be so bad... but i could barely carry myself around. I was massive. I know, i know... i had an excuse coz i was pregnant... but that's not my point. For months, i had experienced what it was like to be over weight. The depression of not fitting into my clothes hit me, the insecurity of why people would stare while i was eating, or the fact that i was invisble when i was walking around... just the mere fact that i felt completely unattractive. It was not fun...
While lining up at Mercury Drug (who has the worst system ever!), i was neglected and ignored. All i wanted to do was buy my meds, just like everyone else. But the people behind the counter would prioritize other people even if they got there AFTER me. That's never happened to me before! It didn't feel too great.
When i was in a crowded elevator, i would get looks as if they were saying, "why'd i have to be in the elevator with this girl? She's taking up too much space". It's mean... but it's true. Some people may find it funny... but really, it's just hurtful.
Somehow it seems like you're treated like less of a person if people don't find your appearance to be so appealing. It's not fair. But you know it's true. Good looking people use it to their advantage and the rest just get used to the way things work.
i'm now experiencing my 2nd dose... i'm a crippled girl hopping around using crutches. In other words... i'm disabled. The stares that i get are just unbelievable! people wondering, "what happened to her?". I walk by and in the corner of my eye i see heads turn towards my direction like a wave. One after the other. They stare at me as if i have vomit and blood continuously flowing from my ears!
Most of the time, i see people look at me and they look like they're thinking that i'm nothing more than an inconvenience. "Why did i have to walk behind her?". I'm sorry if i'm not an expert in the crutch-using department. I've never had to do this my whole entire life.
Some people are just too busy to think about others and be the slightest bit considerate... they serioulsy try to walk past me and hit my crutches in the process. Or when they see me coming (and i KNOW they see me!!!) and my path just so happens to cross with theirs... instead of letting me through, they'll speed up and try to beat me to it! So i'm there, hopping in mid-air, and i almost trip! It's not so easy to stop yourself from swinging... especially when you already have a rhythm going... i may not be fast, but i'm trying my best to get the hell out of your way.
(i swear, they see me there, but somehow refuse to acknowledge my presence)
Excuse me, pardon me, I'M SORRY.
This is what it feels like to spend a day in someone else's shoes. All of a sudden, i'm not so average anymore. Things i never even thought of, just all of a sudden, become a part of my every-day life... and i really just have to deal with it.
Some people crave for attention (the kind of attention that is good) and they absolutely love it... others feel like they're most comfortable when they just blend in. I'm just looking to blend in again...
There are so many more obstacles to tackle out there. You figure out that the life you once had wasn't as complicated as you made it seem. You realize that there are people out there fighting a harder battle. There are people out there who live lives almost like yours... but one simple thing, a twist... makes it that much harder to cope. Do you follow? It's like a mother raising a child... it seems to be the same for everyone else... but one simple difference can make that one's life more complicated. What if the child was mentally ill? Physically disabled? or the family was seriously poverty stricken?
I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. That's just always how it goes.
But we're all human beings... try and treat each other with more repect. Have a little bit more compassion, be just a bit more considerate. I guarantee it'll make life so much easier.
all my life, i had taken a lot of things for granted.
yeah, i had a label growing up... i've always been the tall, skinny girl. I would say it has a lot to do with genetics (i'd say i'm doing okay)... but i've always been a very active person. I was always running around, playing, riding bikes, skating, etc. When i hit high school, i lived for sports. After school, dancing became my life. Never in my life did i ever think... not once... that there was a possibility that i wouldn't be so athletic, so active... that i wouldn't be so normal.
i got my very first dose of "out-of-the-norm" experience when i was pregnant. I gained 70 pounds... yeah, i was a walking house weighing in at 190 pounds. At 5.8" you wouldn't think that would be so bad... but i could barely carry myself around. I was massive. I know, i know... i had an excuse coz i was pregnant... but that's not my point. For months, i had experienced what it was like to be over weight. The depression of not fitting into my clothes hit me, the insecurity of why people would stare while i was eating, or the fact that i was invisble when i was walking around... just the mere fact that i felt completely unattractive. It was not fun...
While lining up at Mercury Drug (who has the worst system ever!), i was neglected and ignored. All i wanted to do was buy my meds, just like everyone else. But the people behind the counter would prioritize other people even if they got there AFTER me. That's never happened to me before! It didn't feel too great.
When i was in a crowded elevator, i would get looks as if they were saying, "why'd i have to be in the elevator with this girl? She's taking up too much space". It's mean... but it's true. Some people may find it funny... but really, it's just hurtful.
Somehow it seems like you're treated like less of a person if people don't find your appearance to be so appealing. It's not fair. But you know it's true. Good looking people use it to their advantage and the rest just get used to the way things work.
i'm now experiencing my 2nd dose... i'm a crippled girl hopping around using crutches. In other words... i'm disabled. The stares that i get are just unbelievable! people wondering, "what happened to her?". I walk by and in the corner of my eye i see heads turn towards my direction like a wave. One after the other. They stare at me as if i have vomit and blood continuously flowing from my ears!
Most of the time, i see people look at me and they look like they're thinking that i'm nothing more than an inconvenience. "Why did i have to walk behind her?". I'm sorry if i'm not an expert in the crutch-using department. I've never had to do this my whole entire life.
Some people are just too busy to think about others and be the slightest bit considerate... they serioulsy try to walk past me and hit my crutches in the process. Or when they see me coming (and i KNOW they see me!!!) and my path just so happens to cross with theirs... instead of letting me through, they'll speed up and try to beat me to it! So i'm there, hopping in mid-air, and i almost trip! It's not so easy to stop yourself from swinging... especially when you already have a rhythm going... i may not be fast, but i'm trying my best to get the hell out of your way.
(i swear, they see me there, but somehow refuse to acknowledge my presence)
Excuse me, pardon me, I'M SORRY.
This is what it feels like to spend a day in someone else's shoes. All of a sudden, i'm not so average anymore. Things i never even thought of, just all of a sudden, become a part of my every-day life... and i really just have to deal with it.
Some people crave for attention (the kind of attention that is good) and they absolutely love it... others feel like they're most comfortable when they just blend in. I'm just looking to blend in again...
There are so many more obstacles to tackle out there. You figure out that the life you once had wasn't as complicated as you made it seem. You realize that there are people out there fighting a harder battle. There are people out there who live lives almost like yours... but one simple thing, a twist... makes it that much harder to cope. Do you follow? It's like a mother raising a child... it seems to be the same for everyone else... but one simple difference can make that one's life more complicated. What if the child was mentally ill? Physically disabled? or the family was seriously poverty stricken?
I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. That's just always how it goes.
But we're all human beings... try and treat each other with more repect. Have a little bit more compassion, be just a bit more considerate. I guarantee it'll make life so much easier.
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