homeward bound

Tonight, Dylan and myself are heading home... i am the happiest girl in the world. Ever since the decision was finalized that Dylan and i would spend most of our week at my house, i instantly became happy. My spirit lifted and the cloud of gloom simply floated away. Everything just started to look way better already. *yAy*

Finally, i had enough courage to step up, put my foot down, and say, "hey, i'm not happy and i'm gonna do something about it". Okay, well it wasn't that easy... a huge part of me didn't want to take Dylan away from his dad and i didn't wanna be the bad person, the one who decided to "break up the family". But things were heading towards the wrong direction, it was starting to look really ugly, i was becoming more and more unhappy & stressed, and something simply had to be done. So there, i did it. I got us out of that horrible situation and hopefully things will be smooth sailing (if not, atleast easier and happier) from now on. =)

It just wasn't working for us... it just didn't. I gave it almost 6 months. Dylan's well-being is my priority and nothing will stop me from making sure that everything we do is for his best interest. I've had enough and it was just time for us to move on to something better. I'm not willing to walk that extra mile just to make him happy... not if the cost is Dylan's well being. Hell no. I'm not gonna risk it. I was done making everything more convenient for him... especially since i'm the one doing 95% of the work (all by myself). He didn't take on the role as "father"... he was just being the provider. Dylan doesn't need all the toys that he's not gonna pay attention to or remember anyway.... he needs a dad. Someone he can look up to. Someone for him to count on, someone to love, someone to connect with, and someone who will always be there for him regardless any situation. I don't know why everything has to revolve around money. I've said this before, and i'm saying it again--- you can always make your millions later, money will always be around.... but watching your child grow up and raising him right is something you can never get back to... something you can never make up for. I guess i was expecting too much... i set myself up for disappointment. Maybe things will get better. I'm hoping it will.

Don't get me wrong, though. He's a great boyfriend... he treats me like a queen and takes care of me. He is the nicest, sweetest person and i say this as a fact--- nobody has ever treated me better. But i don't need him to be my boyfriend anymore... i need him to become the father he's supposed to be.

So what we're gonna do is--- my house on weekdays and the other house on weekends (and holidays where Mars doesn't have to go to work). The whole point is for Mars to spend time with Dylan. I mean, the only time he ever gets to spend with us is on the weekends anyway... so why do we have to put up with the rest of the week all by our lonesome, bored and unhappy? right? problem solved.

I'm ever so grateful that Mars was very supportive and understanding about the whole decision. I know this is hard for him. The fact that he didn't even argue with my idea means a whole lot to me and i really appreciate it. I know because of this everything will get better... not just with me and Dylan, but our relationship as a whole as well.

*pHeW* thank god that's done and over with. I'm happy with my decision and i look forward to our days ahead. =)