sleep deprived

Aug. 1, 2004 * Dylan's Baptismal

just my opinion:
If it were up to me and Mars... we wouldn't have had a baptismal for Dylan. But we wanted to end all the nagging and the controversy revolving around the idea, so we agreed to have it done. It was a safe decision... this way nobody gets offended and nobody gets hurt. We picked the ninongs and the ninangs based on friendship & trust. The official ones are in there... but we also included those that just had to be in there (if you know what i mean). I'm not evil or anything... but i just couldn't deal with the stress anymore. The weeks before the baptismal, i was seriously stressing over how we were gonna pull it all off... and it was hard. In the end, we went with the simplest idea... "let's just put em all in there". Besides, those who'll take it seriously will stick around, and for those who won't, if they disappear, it's no loss.

We also didn't wanna spend too much. The baby shower was enough, i thought... and i hate playing host. So the reception was another thing to think about and yet again just added to the stress. This time, Tina, Mars' sister, volunteered to cater... and she actually did a very good job. *yay* We put up tents on the garden, had tables and chairs brought in and balloons to decorate the place. It was really pretty... white and baby blue all over. =)

To make it clear, I believe in a God... just not a particular one. I believe bits and pieces from different religions... i agree with some, i disagree with others. I'm catholic/christian... just not a practicing one. I'm not religious, however, i do pray, i have beliefs, morals, and values... i'm just not under a certain category... you know what i mean.

so there...

one long day...
My day starts at 5:30am. *blech* Our little soldier is up and he wants to be fed. So naturally, i get up... slowly, & half asleep, i walk over to his crib and pick him up. I've had only an hour and a half of sleep, i'm cranky as hell, and i know i have a long day ahead of me... i need to get this feeding over with and go back to sleep. He flashes me that big, bright, good morning smile he does every single morning... and that was it. I was under his spell. I had no idea what i was in for... this was the beginning of one long day.

Usually, right after he eats, Dylan falls right back to sleep again. We get an average of 8 hours of sleep together at night. He'll wake up for one feeding in the middle of the night. If i'm lucky, he'll eat after 8 hours and fall back to sleep... in that case, sometimes i get 10 hours of sleep. *yay* those are our good days. But it was all interrupted the day he got his shots. Ever since then, he's been a bit cranky. His sleeping pattern got all messed up. We lost the schedule we had worked so hard on achieving... that was 2 and half months of discipline and training down the drain. *sob*

So the little man is up. Wide eyed and active. I was stubborn as hell though and i tried to do everything in my power to put this guy back to sleep. I tried rocking him, feeding him some more, not talking to him and just swaying... basically, i tried everything. Nothing worked. For a whole hour and a half, i tried to put him back to sleep. This little man was wide awake.

So it's 7am... and i take him outside on his stroller to go soak up some sun and absorb that Vitamin D. His non-stop smiling and constant coo-ing amuses me and he was just so darn adorable... i just had to play with him. I couldn't be upset with him... i just couldn't. But after an hour of playing with him... my battery was running low and i was in desperate need of help... so i called my mom and asked her to come over asap.

It was a big day, and there was just so much to be done... i knew i wouldn't survive running on an hour and a half of sleep so i was desperate to get some rest. When my mom got to the house, it was such a relief. I fixed up a few balloons, chatted for a bit (by this time i was so delirious, i just blabbed nonsense) until my mom told me to shut up and get some sleep. I went into the room, got on the bed, shut my eyes, and tried to sleep... wouldn't you know it? i couldn't. I was just thinking about so many things and stressing so much that my brain just wouldn't shut off. After a whole hour of trying, i got so frustrated, i started to cry. (haha!) No use in being useless... so i got up and officially started my day.

First on my list, manicure and pedicure. When you're taking care of a baby, that's your life and you tend to forget about yourself a bit. I wasn't gonna go see everybody and show up with ugly nails. Besides, it was my "feel good" thing for me that week. So I headed to the salon & got myself a Grande Cafe Mocha. *yay*

We were supposed to be at the church by 4pm. By the time i got back to the house it was already 2pm. I started getting ready right away. and blah blah blah.

We were running late coz there was just so much chaos going on. But despite all that, we sorta got to the church on time. But where were all the ninangs? I specifically told the ninangs to be at the church at 4pm SHARP. I reminded them earlier that morning even... they didn't really do much as far as being involved with the whole baptism thing went... all they had to do was show up at the church on time... and they couldn't even do that. It wasn't only disappointing... it was mad frustrating. I didn't even know what to think anymore. I don't even wanna elaborate on what was going through my head at the time.

We happened to pick the hottest day of the year to have the baptism at a non-airconditioned church too. It was horrible.

There was a line for all the baptisms for that day. The priest was getting impatient so we couldn't wait any longer and had to start already. So we did it... with 2 ninongs and 4 ninangs... and the (supposedly) 3 "official" ninangs missing. I was pissed... but didn't have enough energy to show it. And i didn't wanna spoil everything by being in a bad mood... so whatever. I let it slide. I didn't care anymore. The people who were considerate enough to be there on time were there... and that was appreciated.

I'm so happy that Dylan was so well behaved and was such an angel throughout the whole thing. I guess he figured i was stressing enough already and decided he'd take it easy on me. =)

The missing ninangs got there like 10 minutes before the ceremony ended... and the first thing they said to me was, "you guys actually started on time?" arg... oh puh-lease. "well... yea." *blech* atleast they showed up? right?

5pm. The reception was at the house... and when we got there, everybody said that it was so pretty. The food was great too, so everything went well. =)

I spent the rest of the night "socializing" and "catching up" with old friends. But i was so delirious i could barely hold a straight conversation. It was hard! and everytime i went into the room to take a breather, maybe lie down and rest, i couldn't. Everybody seemed to invite themselves into the bedroom and invade the bed. So i couldn't do that. I tried my best to stay up... it was a struggle. Sure, i was glad to see everybody and it was nice to hang out... but all i could really think about was getting some sleep. I was so sleep deprived... i didn't know what to do. But i stuck it out, i was a trooper... i stayed up and hung out with everybody til about 10pm. Thank God they all decided they wanted to do movie night and catch a movie at greenbelt... i don't think i coulda made it any longer.

By the time they had all left, i had taken a shower and was ready for bed, Dylan was asleep too... he had such an exciting day. He saw so many different people, heard all the different voices, and took a car ride to a place he had never seen before. The little soldier was out cold.

I'm just glad it's all over now... we're not gonna be doing anything like this probably til his 1st birthday. ha! 9 more months to go. =) I'll be spending the rest of the week trying to recharge and catch up on some sleep... i'm glad Dylan's decided to take it easy on me. And I'm ever so glad that my mom and Aix are more than willing to come over to babysit when i need them...

Dylan's 3 months old today... i've never been more in love. =) *sigh*