buzz kill

nobody understands what being a new mom is like... unless you're a mom yourself. So if you've never given birth to a child, have never been pregnant for 9-10 months, have never experienced morning sickness, severe swelling, uncontrollable weight gain (not to mention the stretch marks), having a weak bladder, intense contractions, hours of labor, and the healing process postpartum, you have absolutely no right to say that being a mother is "over rated", that "you're over reacting", or when us moms tend to ramble on about how hard it is, that "it can't be that bad" or, you "understand"... because NO, you don't.

everybody's been asking me when that time will come when i give in to my old self and live life the way i used to. I don't think they understand that that'll NEVER happen again. That my priorities are completely different and my life has completely changed.

i used to be an idiot. I would go out every single night of the week (except Sundays, because i have values and thought that i would make Sunday "spending time with my family" day), drink (most of the time get drunk), smoke, and stay up til the wee hours of the morning, sleep all day, wake up and do it all over again. Back then, i thought it was fun. I'll take it easy on myself for a bit here and let you know that i was out a lot because i was working and i had to make money. Yes, i was paid to have fun. I never bought my own drinks, everywhere we went we could get in for free, the city was ours for the taking. I spent all that time with my bestest friends, dancing the night away, drinking til we were stupid & basically just having "fun".

now, i'm 21, responsible for the life of a beautiful baby boy... and they ask me, "so, when are you coming back out?"

is this really how it is?
new mom = buzz kill ?

when my friends ask me how i'm doing, i respond by saying "we're fine. we're doing really good." All of a sudden, i'm a WE. I can tell you everything that's happening in my son's life, a full report on his progress and what his life is like... but i can't seem to find the words to describe how I'M doing all on my own. So if you're not a mom, most likely you're not gonna take an interest in me blabbing about how my baby is doing and what life is like with a child. That's buzz kill #1... i can't hold a descent conversation anymore. I almost don't care about what's going on in the world unless it has something to do with babies.

Alcohol and Cigarettes. Won't touch the stuff. I hate the smell, i hate the taste. (it's just something being pregnant does to a former alcoholic/smoker). So if ya'll drink and constantly light up... you're not gonna wanna be around me. And that, is buzz kill #2. First of all, (how do i put this in a decent way?) i am producing milk (haha)... and smoking and drinking just doesn't quite make the cut of what i'm allowed to be exposed to. What i take, i pass on to my son, and i take this very seriously. So there...

Partying all night. Can't do it. I hardly get enough sleep as it is... and whatever time i spend away from my son, i'm thinking about him anyway. So seriously, what is the point? I'm either gonna nag about leaving early or bore you to death so you take me home early. Besides, the night life in MAnila isn't quite like what it used to be anyway... from what i heard, it's shit. So why waste my time and energy? yup, buzz kill #3.

Give me a few months... things will never be the way they used to be... NEVER. My life is NoThiNg like the way it was exactly a year ago. And it's not like it's something i can easily go back to. Things are different now. I'm different now. But i like this change. I stare at Dylan when he's asleep... and i fall in love with him all over again. He truly is something. He's precious and i wouldn't trade him for anything in this world.