issues
there are so many things going on in my life right now, i don't even know where to begin. I'm not sure you can really tag this as complaining... but to make it clear, this is just venting.
I've been thinking of what i could write about and i have just come to realize that aside from Dylan, everything i seem to think about just so happens to be negative. So not good.
My living situation. I don't even know where to begin with this one. When you live in a place where you can't be completely yourself, without a doubt, you're uncomfortable. No matter how much you fit in or how settled in you are, you're not completely comfortable if deep down inside you just can't really be yourself. This is how i feel. Sure, i was invited and they treat me like i'm part of the family... but it's just not the same. There's something about it that's not right and it just doesn't sit well with me. There are certain things i wanna do around the house that i can't... because it's not my place. It drives me up the walls. And i've been dealing with this for a while now...
My funds. I am just straight up not the dependent type. I hate asking for money and it kills me to have somebody else buy me the things i need for my normal every day life. Nowadays, i hate walking around the mall looking at things and finding something i like and knowing i can't buy it because i can't afford it... because i don't wanna ask for it. I'm just the type of person who likes being independent... and the best situation for me is where i don't have to depend on anybody else to take care of me. I wanna do great and be able to survive all on my own. I've done it before... and i sure as hell will do it again. That's on hold right now because i have a certain little somebody who constantly needs me... i just wish there was a way i could work around it.
My friends. uh... yeah. *blah* This is a topic that really disappoints me. I know how stressful and how busy one's life can get... so in a way, there's room for understanding. But really... *blah*. Seriously, how difficult is it to pick up your phone and check up on a person once in a while... especially when you consider em to be one of your closest and "bestest" friends? I'm not even gonna start elaborating on how things played out in the past year. i get really agitated just thinking about it. So that's that... for now.
My family. I'm homesick. I miss them. I miss the noise, the company, & just simply being around them. I miss having breakfast with my mom and having talks with my dad. I miss being crazy, weird, & stupid all day, everyday with my sister. I actually miss seeing my brothers argue... because sometimes it's so pointless, it's funny. Most of all, i just miss having that "family atmosphere". You just get so used to everbody because you've been around them all your life... it's the "comfort zone". When all in the world seems to be going wrong, it's nice to know that you can seek refuge & find peace at home with your family. Sure, it's not always perfect... but hey, what is?
** i grew up with these people. I always had company... and a sudden switch to living in a box with nobody in the house all day is not so easy to deal with.
My significant other. I miss him too. I understand that he has to work, and that there are a million things that need to be done... but seriously. He's not just missing out, he's missing us.
Me. It's been 3 months since i've given birth. When i was pregnant i gained almost 60 pounds. So far i've lost about 45 pounds... and sure, that's great... but not fitting into my old clothes just really annoys me. Call me "arte" or obssessed about my weight, or impatient, or whatever... but seriously, it just bugs me. I put on an old pair of pants and yea, it fits... but i look like suman in it! If you've never been pregnant or have never given birth, you don't have a say in this (because you don't understand). But i know all the new mommies out there feel me.
Anyway, i think this is enough of me being a brat for today. For someone who's got so much to say, my brain just isn't up to speed.
i'll probably be back to my old self by tomorrow... if i'm lucky, maybe later this afternoon. This is "Thea who didn't get enough sleep last night so i'm cranky don't talk to me" signing out.
I've been thinking of what i could write about and i have just come to realize that aside from Dylan, everything i seem to think about just so happens to be negative. So not good.
My living situation. I don't even know where to begin with this one. When you live in a place where you can't be completely yourself, without a doubt, you're uncomfortable. No matter how much you fit in or how settled in you are, you're not completely comfortable if deep down inside you just can't really be yourself. This is how i feel. Sure, i was invited and they treat me like i'm part of the family... but it's just not the same. There's something about it that's not right and it just doesn't sit well with me. There are certain things i wanna do around the house that i can't... because it's not my place. It drives me up the walls. And i've been dealing with this for a while now...
My funds. I am just straight up not the dependent type. I hate asking for money and it kills me to have somebody else buy me the things i need for my normal every day life. Nowadays, i hate walking around the mall looking at things and finding something i like and knowing i can't buy it because i can't afford it... because i don't wanna ask for it. I'm just the type of person who likes being independent... and the best situation for me is where i don't have to depend on anybody else to take care of me. I wanna do great and be able to survive all on my own. I've done it before... and i sure as hell will do it again. That's on hold right now because i have a certain little somebody who constantly needs me... i just wish there was a way i could work around it.
My friends. uh... yeah. *blah* This is a topic that really disappoints me. I know how stressful and how busy one's life can get... so in a way, there's room for understanding. But really... *blah*. Seriously, how difficult is it to pick up your phone and check up on a person once in a while... especially when you consider em to be one of your closest and "bestest" friends? I'm not even gonna start elaborating on how things played out in the past year. i get really agitated just thinking about it. So that's that... for now.
My family. I'm homesick. I miss them. I miss the noise, the company, & just simply being around them. I miss having breakfast with my mom and having talks with my dad. I miss being crazy, weird, & stupid all day, everyday with my sister. I actually miss seeing my brothers argue... because sometimes it's so pointless, it's funny. Most of all, i just miss having that "family atmosphere". You just get so used to everbody because you've been around them all your life... it's the "comfort zone". When all in the world seems to be going wrong, it's nice to know that you can seek refuge & find peace at home with your family. Sure, it's not always perfect... but hey, what is?
** i grew up with these people. I always had company... and a sudden switch to living in a box with nobody in the house all day is not so easy to deal with.
My significant other. I miss him too. I understand that he has to work, and that there are a million things that need to be done... but seriously. He's not just missing out, he's missing us.
Me. It's been 3 months since i've given birth. When i was pregnant i gained almost 60 pounds. So far i've lost about 45 pounds... and sure, that's great... but not fitting into my old clothes just really annoys me. Call me "arte" or obssessed about my weight, or impatient, or whatever... but seriously, it just bugs me. I put on an old pair of pants and yea, it fits... but i look like suman in it! If you've never been pregnant or have never given birth, you don't have a say in this (because you don't understand). But i know all the new mommies out there feel me.
Anyway, i think this is enough of me being a brat for today. For someone who's got so much to say, my brain just isn't up to speed.
i'll probably be back to my old self by tomorrow... if i'm lucky, maybe later this afternoon. This is "Thea who didn't get enough sleep last night so i'm cranky don't talk to me" signing out.
2 Comments:
At Thursday, July 29, 2004 at 10:00:00 PM GMT+8,
Erica Paredes said…
1. True, its not your home. and even if they constantly tell you it is, its just not. And it will never be home until you and mars move out and start your own. I feel the same. I can be comfortable and ok there but deep down theres still this sense of not belonging completely.
2.Money wise, Im ok for now...but I know if I quit work the money will slowly disapear, my bank account will eventualy start depleting then ill start worrying. I dont like being dependent on others either. Ill take help if offered but i don't want to ask for it.
3.Friends---i think by getting pregnant I found out who my real friends are. I think some who I thought wre my real friends were actually just whatever buddies...have fun, kick it when bored whatever...but when it comes down to it, they aint there...dont worry...the realest friendships always find themselves reestablished...and the ones that are meant to fall apart, just do...
4.I learned to appreciate my family alot through out this whole experience. Im lucky I get half the week here but of course when Im at his house I miss them too. Like you I miss the noise. I miss the constabt music, chatter, opinions...everything. This is really home to me.
5. Don't worry we can be fatties together now...hehe eventually we'll look normal again :) just smile and eat toblerone hahahaa :)
At Thursday, July 29, 2004 at 10:48:00 PM GMT+8,
-t. said…
yea, i did learn a lot from this whole experience. I'm thankful for it. I know who my real friends are & i appreciate those who love and support me even more.
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